February 24, 2009

Musings: Choices


'Choose' by Andy Yamashiro

I met a group of good friends last night for dinner and the key discussion topics were about marriage and children. Among them, I am the only one does not have a full time job. The majority have only one child (except for one who just got married end last year and taking her time), and don't plan to have any in the near future. It was nice to be with like-minded friends who don't bombard me with questions like, 'Why not have another one, since you are a SAHM mom with help somemore...".

Well I suppose it is just my problem. But I feel that motherhood is one of the most exhausting role that I have undertaken, although I have help on the domestic front. As a mother, I feel the pressure to put my child as a main priority, ahead of everything else, and there is a danger of only focusing on this role of being a mom and nothing else. My life does evolve largely around K (dh can strongly attest to that), although I am aware that I need to strike a balance. Be it other things to focus on or other priorities that I can invest time and emotions in.

For a fact, I do know that time with dh have been sacrificed with the arrival of K. That's one of the key reasons why having another child is such a difficult decision for me. People always say, 'Have a kid, complete your married life,' however, no one mentioned the 'but-s'. I do know a couple of friends whose relationship with their spouse have suffered with the onset of kids.

So then I ask myself, am I one of those moms that lead a life that only evolve only around my child? I recently completed this tag on Facebook "25 random things about me", and I am proud to say only 3 points were related to my role as a mom. The rest of the 22 points were all about me, myself and I (never felt so relieved upon realising that I am rather self-centred...)

To have made the decision to quit my fairly well paid, full time job and be around for K about 8 months ago, was one of the toughest choices I have made in my life. But would I have done it any differently? Probably not.

Apart from being a full time mom and wife, I have discovered many passions since I have stopped working full time. I am an amateur photographer, a writer, an avid reader, an internet addict and recently, a small business owner (especially for those days that I need some encouragement).

"Instead of looking at life as a narrowing funnel, we can see it ever widening to choose the things we want to do, to take the wisdom we've learned and create something." ~ Liz Carpenter


Kristie said...

K has definitely brought u joy, keep up the good work mummy :)

Chrystal said...

It's me again! Your cousin btw, aka ur fellow SAHM (to-be-in-10-weeks)! I m pretty much sure u made a wise decision when u decided to leave ur job and focus on K. Once you miss the first crucial 5 yrs it is very hard to try & make up for it.
I am quite anxious and uncertain about what lies ahead for me, but reading your blog is a great source of inspiration for me (especially since i also strongly believe that learning starts from home). Keep up the good work mummy & God Bless YoU!!!

Merryn said...

K will appreciate ur sacrifices dun worry.. and dh.. u gotta take some initiative to pamper that 'baby' of yours once in a while.. heheheh..

Rachel said...

Kristie - Thanks for your encouragement :)

Chrystal - Wow, only 10 more weeks to go, I am so excited for you. Your life will never be the same once the lil' one arrives (in the positive sense). I really appreciate your note of encouragement :)

Merryn - I am not worried even if K doesn't appreciate it. At the end of the day, I am heartened as long as I know I have tried my best and fulfilled my role as a mom.

You are right about the bit about giving some time for dh. I have to constantly remind myself not neglect all the other roles and also lose my identity as an individual. It is important that I spend time doing the things I enjoy, and even better if I can pursue a side career. The last thing I want to experience is the empty nest syndrome when my child grows up and is fully independent.

4malmal said...

hey rachel,
thanks for sharing this.
Being a SAHM means having the luxury of time to pursue my interest and passion and spending time with my boy, which really matters. I can't imagine going back to work and I feel lucky for that.
You sure are doing well!

Domestic Goddess said...

Lovely quote from Liz Carpenter. So insightful! Thanks for sharing. :) I am a SAHM too, with 2 kids. So I totally agree with your musings.

Rachel said...

Rachel - I think u are also doing really well, as u are able to balance out your passions and spending time with Mal. Our kids are only young once, and I think this is the best time to spend quality time with them.

Domestic goddess - Thanks for dropping by. Do you have a blog that I can visit? Can't seem to see the link on your profile.