'Choose' by Andy Yamashiro
I met a group of good friends last night for dinner and the key discussion topics were about marriage and children. Among them, I am the only one does not have a full time job. The majority have only one child (except for one who just got married end last year and taking her time), and don't plan to have any in the near future. It was nice to be with like-minded friends who don't bombard me with questions like, 'Why not have another one, since you are a SAHM mom with help somemore...".
Well I suppose it is just my problem. But I feel that motherhood is one of the most exhausting role that I have undertaken, although I have help on the domestic front. As a mother, I feel the pressure to put my child as a main priority, ahead of everything else, and there is a danger of only focusing on this role of being a mom and nothing else. My life does evolve largely around K (dh can strongly attest to that), although I am aware that I need to strike a balance. Be it other things to focus on or other priorities that I can invest time and emotions in.
For a fact, I do know that time with dh have been sacrificed with the arrival of K. That's one of the key reasons why having another child is such a difficult decision for me. People always say, 'Have a kid, complete your married life,' however, no one mentioned the 'but-s'. I do know a couple of friends whose relationship with their spouse have suffered with the onset of kids.
So then I ask myself, am I one of those moms that lead a life that only evolve only around my child? I recently completed this tag on Facebook "25 random things about me", and I am proud to say only 3 points were related to my role as a mom. The rest of the 22 points were all about me, myself and I (never felt so relieved upon realising that I am rather self-centred...)
To have made the decision to quit my fairly well paid, full time job and be around for K about 8 months ago, was one of the toughest choices I have made in my life. But would I have done it any differently? Probably not.
Apart from being a full time mom and wife, I have discovered many passions since I have stopped working full time. I am an amateur photographer, a writer, an avid reader, an internet addict and recently, a small business owner (especially for those days that I need some encouragement).
"Instead of looking at life as a narrowing funnel, we can see it ever widening to choose the things we want to do, to take the wisdom we've learned and create something." ~ Liz Carpenter