September 9, 2008

Every calling is great when greatly pursued

I always had big dreams for my life and career played a big part of it. Somehow, that path was steered away by a greater calling; being one-half of a parent.

Parenting does give me alot of joy. However I never expect that it can be such a huge change agent in my life. Many lifestyle adjustments have been made since the onset of Kyle's arrival; less time spent with hubby, little time for myself and friends, even time to be a couch-potato have drastically been reduced to almost zero, not to even mention time for exercise.

All that just because I want to be around for Kyle whenever possible. It is hard for hubby to convince me to leave Kyle alone in the afternoon with the helper, so as to go for a foot massage or movie with him. The reason why I am so particular about spending as much time as possible with him, is because I leave him to be taken care of by the helper at night. As a result, he ends up running to her most of the time when he feels sleepy or needs comfort, and sometimes that makes me feel that I haven't really done my best as his mother. I always try to convince myself that he will eventually grow out of this dependence on the helper.

Nonetheless, this little guy always make it very clear that he prefers my undivided attention all the time. He often act up when I am at the computer, playing the piano, reading a book or doing any other thing without his involvement. So it is almost impossible to do anything else besides interacting with him when he is awake.

I wonder whether it is just Kyle to be demanding this way, or it is normal toddler behaviour. I do know that toddlers are egocentric, so this could be just a manifest of the egocentric focus of the toddler.

I have been making a point not to smack him unless it is absolutely necessary. As he seemed to have learnt that physical aggression may be a solution to getting his way, and I think that he has modelled that after my discipline attempts. Although I still believe that when I spare the rod, I will spoil the child. Not certain that I can take that bit about the 'rod' literally though. Most of the time just a fierce stare or a stern voice is enough to do the job, however I am starting to see a stubborn streak emerging.

I see so much of Keith and myself in Kyle. I am learning everyday as a parent and this journey doesn't seem to get any easier by the day. All I know is that I need God's wisdom and direction daily to be the best parent for my child and be a conscientious steward of this next generation.


mummymeow said...

Your job now is more rewarding - spending time and nurturing Kyle.
you can always go back to workforce later, if u wish. I heard that Spore's maternity leave is now 4 months. Wow. That's great for mothers. Ours is still 2 months.

Rachel said...

Yes, parenting has been a really rewarding journey so far.

Just have to look past the income bit and that SAHMs like myself, who work part time, are not entitled to alot of benefits by the government.

Ing said...

Being a parent really does change one's life drastically. I can totally understand when you said that it is impossible to do anything else when your child is awake! It's not easy, sometimes I feel top of the world and there's nothing else I want to do besides being with my children. Other times, I wondered what have I gotten myself into, such huge responsibilities and great frustrations. haha, i guess we're all learning day by day. But I'd say you're definitely a great mother. And nobody can replace you in yr child's life. :)

4MalMal said...

sometimes when the kids get whiny or naughty, what they really need is our undivided attention. I learned that when my boy was younger. He is now 4.5 year old and can play on his own for long time. I think other than breastfeeding him for 2 years, my next precious gift to my son is being a SAHM and to be with him for all his waking hours. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.