Parenting does give me alot of joy. However I never expect that it can be such a huge change agent in my life. Many lifestyle adjustments have been made since the onset of Kyle's arrival; less time spent with hubby, little time for myself and friends, even time to be a couch-potato have drastically been reduced to almost zero, not to even mention time for exercise.
All that just because I want to be around for Kyle whenever possible. It is hard for hubby to convince me to leave Kyle alone in the afternoon with the helper, so as to go for a foot massage or movie with him. The reason why I am so particular about spending as much time as possible with him, is because I leave him to be taken care of by the helper at night. As a result, he ends up running to her most of the time when he feels sleepy or needs comfort, and sometimes that makes me feel that I haven't really done my best as his mother. I always try to convince myself that he will eventually grow out of this dependence on the helper.
Nonetheless, this little guy always make it very clear that he prefers my undivided attention all the time. He often act up when I am at the computer, playing the piano, reading a book or doing any other thing without his involvement. So it is almost impossible to do anything else besides interacting with him when he is awake.
I have been making a point not to smack him unless it is absolutely necessary. As he seemed to have learnt that physical aggression may be a solution to getting his way, and I think that he has modelled that after my discipline attempts. Although I still believe that when I spare the rod, I will spoil the child. Not certain that I can take that bit about the 'rod' literally though. Most of the time just a fierce stare or a stern voice is enough to do the job, however I am starting to see a stubborn streak emerging.
I see so much of Keith and myself in Kyle. I am learning everyday as a parent and this journey doesn't seem to get any easier by the day. All I know is that I need God's wisdom and direction daily to be the best parent for my child and be a conscientious steward of this next generation.