April 16, 2008

So, what do I want?

I am not certain what is it that I truly want for myself in this life. Some questions I have asked myself :

- Do I want to be working in a marketing job till I am 45 years old? And having to manage a routine like that daily; wake up-go to work-spend 8 hrs at work helping a corporation sell something to the masses-leave work for mom's place-have dinner-leave for home-play with Kyle for an hour-read a book-go to bed

- The big question will be what will I do when I leave the corporate world when I am 45. Find a second career? Obviously my kids will have no time for me.

The weekend drill is slightly different; struggle to get up early at 9am-try to play with Kyle while trying to keep awake-while Kyle naps, spend some time on the net-bring Kyle to class-come home to stone with Keith and watch DVD. Start to feel depress on Sunday evening thinking about having to go to work the next day.

As for the relationship with the hubby, we dont seem to have much time for one another. He is either travelling or I am travelling...the only time we have are the weekends, which is mainly shared with the little one.

Is that all life is about? If life is about making choices for ourselves, am I making the right choice with my life? Somehow I feel that my talents left dormant and passion does not seem to exist in that area where I spend more than 8 hours daily on the weekdays.

I fear to take that step into the unknown, the many 'what ifs' just run through mind; what if I fail if I decide to move away from familiarity? What if I just lose total interest and passion again? What then should I do after that?

Maybe I should stop thinking too much and just wait patiently for His confirmation.

No comments: