December 26, 2007

The day after Christmas

It's boxing day and I am back at work, obviously boxing day have no purpose in Singapore's culture when it is an official work day. My Christmas mood has dissapated from the very moment I woke up this morning for work, really hate this feeling.

Life at work is really dull now, seemed to have lost its novelty. I think I am a sucker for living on the edge at work; hectic timelines, direct accountability for profit and loss, driving activities towards sales, big bang events, spending millions of dollars for marketing...did not matter at all that I don't travel as much. Loved that autonomy to make decisions for the business, taking risks and reaping the rewards through growing the brand.

Work is more big picture; managing launch to markets, get to fiddle with mobiles, in a nutshell, a project manager for launches. The mobile phone industry is exciting, probably more than the previous industry I used to work in, but somehow I don't feel that I am in the heartbeat of things. Maybe that's how things are when you are not involved in implementation.

So how have I progress? I don't think I have at work, I don't seem to be learning anything new. It's so easy to fall into a comfortable spot being where I am now, but the irony is, being too comfortable at work is making me feel kind of uncomfortable.

December 25, 2007

It's Christmas


It's Christmas morning and I managed to squeeze in this little bit of time to update my blog. As I am typing, Kyle has started stirring in his sleep...please just sleep for one hour...

The little guy is so active, the word 'stationary' is non-existent when it comes to him. Often in constant motion, his little hands always have their hold on something.

Kyle was so restless yesterday during Christmas' eve dinner. He seemed to know that it was an occasion of some sort and refused to take his nap. For the past one week, he often made his own way towards the Christmas 'tree' and never failed to put his hands on the big box that Cali got for him.

He had a whale of a time unwrapping his presents and was kept busy for almost half an hour fiddling with his new toys.

He is one kid that has to be constantly entertained. Makes me wonder if this is due to his inquisitive nature, or have we spoiled him as he is never ever left alone when he is awake. Besides he hardly takes long naps in the day, I really wonder where does he get all that energy from.

Should really plan how to divert that energy into something positive once he turns 18 months. Probably will look into putting him into 2 hours playschool on the weekday, then taking golf and tennis lessons once a week when he is 2 or 3 years old.



December 22, 2007

Countdown to Christmas

Kyle was the first to get his Christmas present, about 5 days before Christmas. Nana initially planned to wrap it up and put it under the 'tree' but it ended making too much noise that she gave in and presented it to the delight of the little one.


December 10, 2007

Christmas Songs



I simply love listening to Christmas songs at this time of the year.

Countdown 15 days to Christmas - darn...I haven't got any clue what sort of presents to buy for Christmas.

December 7, 2007

Guilt

Been feeling rather guilty lately about my role as a mom. Used to have separation anxieties about leaving Kyle when I travel for work, however lately, separation anxieties ended and guilt start creeping in.

Sometimes I still think about how life will be like if Kyle was not in my life. Not so much about the freedom and flexibility that I lost, but about how little value that I place on my own life when I was only living for myself. Previously I felt that it did not quite matter so much if anything untoward were to happen to me, probably only a short period of grief for those loved ones that I left behind.

I have stopped being indifferent since Kyle arrived. The value that I place on my life have become so much more significant when I recognize that there is a little person fully dependent on me. This was even more apparent lately when I experience bad turbulence on my flight back from Hong Kong. During that 10 seconds of turbulence, I prayed for safety and a fulfilling life to be able to bring Kyle up.

As for the guilt, it constantly bites at me each time I see a mother with a baby when I am in a foreign country. Maybe this guilt is part of / as a result of separation anxiety, I am not sure and I am not willing to look so much into it.

I have been given a choice to stop work and be 'there' for Kyle, but seriously, I don't have the guts to take that step. It is simply my insecurity making that decision...so much is holding me back from ever taking that step;
1) I am afraid that I will become stupid
2) Husband will start to think I am really trivial and will not respect my decision, i.e., lose my 'share of voice' in the marriage
3) Not able to have my own money to manage or save, and shop whenever I want to
4) Kyle becomes a mummy's boy, like more than 60% of Singapore men
5) Eventually become one of those silly, insecure woman who lives in denial and expects married son to treat mother the same as the wife i.e., entitled to alot of his attention, same share to his assets, wants to be in control of how grandchild is being brought up, thinks daughter in law is competition for son's affection.

Too much is at risk now...it will probably take a lot to change to take that step.