December 26, 2007
Life at work is really dull now, seemed to have lost its novelty. I think I am a sucker for living on the edge at work; hectic timelines, direct accountability for profit and loss, driving activities towards sales, big bang events, spending millions of dollars for marketing...did not matter at all that I don't travel as much. Loved that autonomy to make decisions for the business, taking risks and reaping the rewards through growing the brand.
Work is more big picture; managing launch to markets, get to fiddle with mobiles, in a nutshell, a project manager for launches. The mobile phone industry is exciting, probably more than the previous industry I used to work in, but somehow I don't feel that I am in the heartbeat of things. Maybe that's how things are when you are not involved in implementation.
So how have I progress? I don't think I have at work, I don't seem to be learning anything new. It's so easy to fall into a comfortable spot being where I am now, but the irony is, being too comfortable at work is making me feel kind of uncomfortable.
December 25, 2007
Kyle was so restless yesterday during Christmas' eve dinner. He seemed to know that it was an occasion of some sort and refused to take his nap. For the past one week, he often made his own way towards the Christmas 'tree' and never failed to put his hands on the big box that Cali got for him.
Should really plan how to divert that energy into something positive once he turns 18 months. Probably will look into putting him into 2 hours playschool on the weekday, then taking golf and tennis lessons once a week when he is 2 or 3 years old.
December 22, 2007
December 10, 2007
December 7, 2007
Sometimes I still think about how life will be like if Kyle was not in my life. Not so much about the freedom and flexibility that I lost, but about how little value that I place on my own life when I was only living for myself. Previously I felt that it did not quite matter so much if anything untoward were to happen to me, probably only a short period of grief for those loved ones that I left behind.
I have stopped being indifferent since Kyle arrived. The value that I place on my life have become so much more significant when I recognize that there is a little person fully dependent on me. This was even more apparent lately when I experience bad turbulence on my flight back from Hong Kong. During that 10 seconds of turbulence, I prayed for safety and a fulfilling life to be able to bring Kyle up.
As for the guilt, it constantly bites at me each time I see a mother with a baby when I am in a foreign country. Maybe this guilt is part of / as a result of separation anxiety, I am not sure and I am not willing to look so much into it.
I have been given a choice to stop work and be 'there' for Kyle, but seriously, I don't have the guts to take that step. It is simply my insecurity making that decision...so much is holding me back from ever taking that step;
1) I am afraid that I will become stupid
2) Husband will start to think I am really trivial and will not respect my decision, i.e., lose my 'share of voice' in the marriage
3) Not able to have my own money to manage or save, and shop whenever I want to
4) Kyle becomes a mummy's boy, like more than 60% of Singapore men
5) Eventually become one of those silly, insecure woman who lives in denial and expects married son to treat mother the same as the wife i.e., entitled to alot of his attention, same share to his assets, wants to be in control of how grandchild is being brought up, thinks daughter in law is competition for son's affection.
Too much is at risk now...it will probably take a lot to change to take that step.
November 26, 2007
Some people's ultimate goal in life is to get married. These people just don't think about what comes along with the ring, beautiful wedding gown, cake and the 'yum sengs'. They think that all is perfect once they settle down with their other half and assume that they will lead a life happily ever after.
So what's happily ever after after being married? Hate to be a wet blanket for those who are all starry eyed about marriage. Marriage is not just about the joy of having the spend the rest of your life with the one that u love and who loves you in return, but it is also about mutual respect and trust. It can be rather painful to stumble through misunderstandings and arguments, however these experiences are worthwhile when you finally learn how to respect and trust one another as a result.
So what's in it for us in our 4th year of marriage? The 4th year of marriage symbolizes the blossoming partnership of a couple. We have recently weathered through one of the most difficult storms. I hope this signals a fresh start to new beginnings and our partnership will continue to blossom through the seasons.
November 7, 2007
Exercise seems rather non-existent, and excuses not to exercise are plenty. There's a great pool in Hotel Mulia in Jakarta, however someone managed to find a reason not to bring her swim suit. As for the gym, forget it....who wants to lug track shoes and gym gear along to a business trip.
Does not help that there's always fab food everytime I travel, last night was sashimi...which does not seem so fattening, oh but did I mentioned the tempura, soba and teppanyaki? And tonight, apart from the great dessert / drink (yes, I would like to think that it was just a drink); Es Shanghai, i.e, a bandung and carnation milk on ice concoction, topped with coconut and jelly...there was great Indonesia food.
Back to the diet, I need to start a 'holistic' diet plan. Well...everyone's into this buzzword now; holistic spa treatment, holistic marketing plan, etc...may as well use it here as well.
November 5, 2007
Arrived in Jakarta today and felt that I had to give myself a treat. Just stuffed myself with 2 large servings of Sashimi and experienced one of the best massages ever; 2 masseurs massaging me in tandem for 60 mins - all for SGD 74.00.
Realised that if I don't do things like that I will probably get really depressed soon for being away from Kyle so often. Like what mom said, "Most other girls will die for your job..." I may be 'jet setting' and chalking up the frequent flyer points, but I would prefer that the frequency can be reduced a little; I am ok with once a month...but thrice?!? It's been a little too extreme this one month; I have already travelled to Taipei twice and now Jakarta; almost had to go India as well if not for the visa issue.
Anyhow, i have mastered the skill of sleeping on planes...it just makes the dreaded flight a little easier.
November 1, 2007
Shawn has his own bed, complete with a mattress and pillow...and I hear him sigh pretty often of late. Who ever started the idiom, 'It's a dog's life' probably never had a dog or is remotely close to being a dog lover.
Well I think the best we can provide for him in his old age is to him lots of love and hugs and not deprive him of good food...and in turn, he will give us his unconditional love and attention.
Contentment can never be in such simple terms for us humans, we are always in search for that better 'thing'...may it be a home, a job or that partner (don't even think of it when you are married ok...). Especially when it comes to human relationships, we really need to constantly remind ourselves that we should not demand perfection in the other person when we are clearly not perfect ourselves.
So what defines contentment for me? Frankly I am not sure, what I say now may not be even valid 2 years from now. However with the onset of motherhood, I have obtained greater clarity of my priorities in life. One of which is to make sure that I have the emotional capacity and maturity to bring this little person up the best that I can.
As for the level of contentment, I think that still remains a variable.
October 31, 2007
That's Cali parking herself in front of her beloved mac. The youth (yes, Cali u still qualify as one) of this generation live, eat and breathe the internet. A daily phenomenon that I see at my mom's place. Try this to see if your addiction to the net has gone to the point of no return - disconnect your internet cables at home for 3 days, no surfing of the net anytime at work, not even through your mobile. Bet you will not be able to Last more than a day...sure does not help that local tv programming sucks big time.